100 Things I Don't Like

I DID include people, shows, and movies on this one, unlike 100 Things I Like. I also again included links for more information or just for entertainment on some of them. The closer it is to the top, the more I dislike it.

1. Mustard
2. Onions
3. The sound the blinker makes
4. Bad spelling/grammar/punctuation
5. The sound of paper/plastic/chip bags crinkling
6. Colloquialisms/Idioms/Cliché phrases (dime a dozen, kick the bucket)
7. Roaches/beetles
8. Spiders
9. Snakes
10. Scrubs
11. Poker on television
12. Hearing the electricity coming out of the tv
13. Wet carpet
14. Swater (hand soap with extra water added)
15. Anything to do with needles/shots/blood drawing
16. Kitchen sponges
17. Those grates that go down to the sewer on the sidewalks downtown
18. Driving in the rain (especially at night)
19. Any and all beans or peas (except refried beans – totally different)
20. The font Times New Roman
21. People who wear Bluetooth headsets all of the time
22. The song Happy Birthday
23. Cursing (including God/Jesus)
24. When people use words incorrectly
25. Parents who laugh at their children’s misbehavior
26. The smell of brown paper towels when they are wet
27. Newscaster banter
28. When one of my foods gets on another one of my foods
29. When we don’t sing Christmas songs at church in December
30. Making the bed
31. American Beauty
32. Taking out the garbage
33. Revolving doors
34. Yellow gold
35. Coconut
36. When I forget to wear a watch
37. Driving over a lake or other large body of water
38. The word “clique” (and many more words)
39. Grading papers (when I was a teacher)
40. Cold weather
41. Public restrooms
42. Germ-X
43. When my pen runs out of ink
44. Not ever seeing my best friends
45. Ice on my car windows
46. Oversleeping
47. Big dogs
48. Running out of hot water
49. Changing the clocks in the fall
50. Texas Tech University
51. Going to the eye doctor
52. Cleaning the bathroom sink
53. Folding laundry
54. Shaving
55. Sarah Silverman
56. Kids with a snotty nose
57. Cats
58. Lightning (when it’s close)
59. People who don’t wave “thanks” in traffic
60. Molly Shannon
61. Dry contacts after a nap
62. Humidity
63. Those painful bumps you get on your tongue
64. Ficus trees
65. Conan O’Brien
66. When people ruin a movie
67. Long fingernails on guys
68. When people get “creative” with their kids’ names (name itself or its spelling)
69. Cutting my toenails
70. Pain in my surgery foot
71. Rachael Ray
72. Turtlenecks
73. When my watch battery dies
74. Unnecessary blinker usage
75. Radio that’s just talk
76. When people don’t return their cart in the parking lot
77. Getting my oil changed
78. Belts worn on the outside of shirts/dresses
79. Clowns
80. Awesome leftovers that go bad before you eat them
81. Taking the dog out to do business
82. When people don’t pronounce the h on a word that starts with h
83. When they get your food order wrong
84. Captchas
85. Not having any milk for breakfast
86. Oprah
87. When the battery dies on my camera
88. Tyra Banks
89. Ponchos
90. Ponchos
91. Pancho’s
92. Bad/ugly presents from close friends or family
93. How many people use the word literally incorrectly
94. When people say “could” instead of “couldn’t care less”
95. Shrek
96. Go Tell It On The Mountain
97. Martha Stewart
98. When people open their cell phones in a movie theater
99. Backwards toilet paper rolls
100. Knowing that as soon as I finish this I’ll think of something else that should be on this list instead.

I'm Back!

We ended up staying in Fort Worth until yesterday afternoon and didn't get back until 11:00 last night. I'll be posting Christmas pictures later today probably. I'm going to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra this afternoon with the boss family or I'd do it now. However, I realized there was one more video of D singing that I hadn't posted. This one is great. Long. But great. The second half is better than the first half.

"Glorium. Oh Glorium. In the shadows of day-o."

Star of Bethlehem

When I was at A&M I was privileged to hear the Star of Bethlehem presentation twice. It is by a guy who has found and presents scientific proof for all aspects about the Star of Bethlehem. It's very interesting and great information to share with others. I would type out the main facts of the presentation, but I don't have them with me. Maybe I'll do that next week. The website is http://www.bethlehemstar.net/. It requires alot of reading but it is so great. If you have time, I really recommend reading it. They also sell a DVD which shows all of the information he tells but with great animations too. This is a trailer for the DVD and shows an overview of the info he shares: http://thestarofbethlehemmovie.com

LOST Fans!

Yeah, I didn't make it very long without posting because I found this awesome thing I had to share with you fellow Losties. ABC is posting clips called "Missing Pieces" each Monday on their website. There are 6 so far out of 13. The ones so far fit somewhere into the stories in seasons 2 and 3. It's showing other people's perspectives from things that have happened. Like The Others when they had Walt and Hurley before the picnic he was supposed to have with Libby. They're all pretty good. I think the first one is the best though. Check them out. And again, don't watch them if you haven't seen season 3.


Off to the Fort!

We're going to Fort Worth until Thursday. I might post. I might not. Have a very Merry Christmas!

By Request

I hosted a Polar Express Party at the house I work at on Wednesday for the girls in my Sunday School class whose kids are old enough to sit through at least part of a movie. Amber said I needed to post the pictures, so here they are...

There were a bunch of cars in the driveway. I tried to put the two pictures together but they weren't quite the same color.

The Spread: Lots of Hot Chocolate with homemade cookies. Mmmm.

Watching the movie in the kids' playroom.

The boys were relaxing in the front row.

Lots of moms and kids.

Enjoying the movie.

Sorry I didn't get more pictures. People who were there, if you want to send me pictures I'd like to have them. Thanks!

1990 vs. 2007

When I was in 4th grade (in 1990) I had a crazy awesome teacher. For the Christmas program that year we rewrote 12 Days of Christmas as the 12 Things My Parents Gave To Me. It went as follows:

12 Nintendo Games
11 Pretty bows
10 G.I. Joes
9 Slap Bracelets
8 Basketballs
7 High Top Sneakers
6 Hula Hoops
5 Designer Jeans
4 Turbo Hoppers
3 Ninja Turtles
2 Barbie Dolls
And a baseball signed by Nolan Ryan (of course)

Very late 80's/early 90's, right? (Yes, I have extremely good memory. I basically remember everything I ever had to memorize.) Today I went to the boys' Christmas program at their school and the third graders did the same thing. I taped the last verse for you. I like to call it 12 Things My Rich Parents Gave To Me:

12 Concert Tickets... to Hannah Montana!
11 Hog Hats
10 Webkinz Pets
9 Ninja Turtles
8 Pairs of Shoes
7 Potter Books
6 Pokemons
5 Golden Labs
4 Flip Phones
3 iPods
2 Nintendo Wiis
And a 60 inch plasma tv

It's weird how both the 1990 and 2007 version have Ninja Turtles.

Cause and Effect

Cause:(Jack just wanted to listen to his iPod in the car!)


Our Dog Is A Cat

That Was Easy

Working for a purpose just got way easier today. I have this awesome thing I want to buy:

The Canon Digital Rebel XTi. I'm in love with it. I decided about 6 weeks ago that I wanted to start saving $20 a week from cleaning from now until my birthday in May and then save my Christmas and birthday money from my grandparents. Added all together I would be able to probably afford it by June. I also decided I would track my progress on here so I could share with others in my excitement. I knew I was going to get paid today so I already made this chart last night to put on here:

But then Jon's great-grandmother (who, by the way, I JUST found out existed) sent us a check for $100 for Christmas. That's $50 for me! Plus the family I work for gave me the rest of my Christmas present (to go along with the Trans-Siberian Orchestra tickets): $250! I'm now suddenly almost half way there!

The website for Canon says the suggested retail price is $600 but I haven't seen it for less than $700. With taxes and other things I'll need to go with it such as camera bag, memory card, etc. I expect that it will be about $900. Keep watching over on the side for how much I've made. It will make a big leap again next week after I get my Christmas money. Looks like I'll be getting it a little earlier than June! Yay!

Did You Know...

...that it is possible to sing orchestra? Here are the boys singing the Sarajevo Christmas Eve song by Trans-siberian Orchestra. My favorite part is how the the dog is playing all of the air instruments and then dies of exhaustion at the end.

You Won't Believe

...who I saw AGAIN today! I pulled in behind them at a stop light as I was leaving the boys' school. My mom says she's going to think I'm stalking her.

Holy Cow!

In case you didn't know, I love LOST. There has been a trailer, which is pretty exciting, in the theaters for a few weeks:

But now there's this NEW trailer which is completely out of control. DO NOT watch this if you haven't seen season three yet. Trust me.

CRAZY!! I don't know if I like the looks of it all. I'm really surprised how much the producers put in that. It must all be in the first episode because they wouldn't ruin that much so early. Either way, it's exciting. And in case you were still wondering...

Flash Countdown

Kid Quotes 121-140

"I have lots of hearts all over my body. I felt one of them in my arm one time."

I assume he was trying to write "I have a lot of toys." but wrote: "I have a lot of toes."

Kid: My dad is going out of town today.
Me: Is he going back to Mississippi? (he had to come back early when a hurricane hit)
Kid: No. Mississippi IS NO MORE! Because of the hurricane!

Me: If you want to see more pictures of me when I was little, I'll have to borrow them from my mom.
Kid: YOU have a MOM?!

"I remember ALL my memories!"

"He's thinking about hitting me!"


First Grader Columbus Day Quotes:

His version of Columbus coming to America (as well as I can remember): "When Columbus landed in Texas he got off the ship and left some of the pirates there and went back and when he left they killed the pirates because they didn't know who these guys were."

When told to draw what food they thought Columbus took on his ship: "I drew 4 carrots, two pieces of corn, three pieces of pizza, and 4 pop tarts"


Me: Who can give me a sentence with the word "have"?
Kid: I have a bunch of unicorns and hot dogs.

Me: Did anyone do anything fun this weekend? (three day weekend)
Kid: I went to Sea World, and Six Flags, and the water park across the street from Six Flags!
Me: You did all that this weekend?
Kid: Nope! That was summer vacation! (like he had no clue what I had asked)

trying to read the word "beach": "bee‑ach?"

From last year's student who asks me about me getting married every single time I see him in the hall... "When are you going to become MRS. Hartman?"

Kid 1: "Kid 2 pushed me!"
Kid 2: "Kid 1 called me a pusher!"

"When you first get a baby inside you, it's as small as a piece of rice... that hasn't been cooked yet!"

Kind Of Smart Kid: "I know how you can remember that 'bonus' is a u word ‑ just remember b‑o‑n‑s and then say it: bon‑us!"
Other Kid: "KOSK, how do you know all this stuff?!"

To me: "You're not a teenager because teenagers listen to music and wear braces."

After reading a story about a girl and her cat who was her friend...
Me: "Is your pet your friend?"
Kid: "No, my dog beats me up!"

"My mom was a naughty nurse for Halloween!"

Reading the story "Who Lives in the Arctic?":
"Polar bears also live in the Arkansas."

"If we have a mud fight and I get that jersey dirty, my dad will kill me for my whole life!"

Did Anyone Else See That?

I don't know many people that are still watching Survivor, but apparently they are because they said on the finale it was still the most watched show in the 7:00 hour. I liked James and was sorry that he didn't make it until the end. I figured Todd was going to win, but really hoped Amanda would because she was so cute and nice. I couldn't stand Courtney, and this is a reason why...

She was very rude about Denise and saying that she didn't deserve to win just because she sucks at life. Jeff began to ask her about it and this is what happened.

She flipped him off! Did you see that?! It sounds like some people in the audience noticed too.

She started with her hand like this:

And then dropped her pointer finger..

See here!

Depends On Which Page

There's a site where you can test the reading level of your blog, but it only reads the first page. When I put in this first page, I came up with

I tried to think of my most eloquent and verbose post (those two words will up the reading level of this page!) and came up with Dear Arkansas. I was right. Its ranking is:

Enjoying using it on your page. What's yours?
(Pam, I bet yours is pretty high.)

This Mall Has Been Rated PG-13

You know those almost pornographic shopping bags that you see being carried around malls? Abercrombie and Fitch. I have never been nor ever will go in that store. "Uh, no, the music is too loud in there." (Bonus points if anyone can tell me where that came from.) I was with D at the mall the other day to see Santa and RIGHT BY Santa's castle is the A&F with an almost naked boy standing in the doorway. Open shirt, pants unbuttoned hanging below his tighty whities. Right by Santa. I couldn't come up with a way to get a picture without them seeing me because I wasn't taking the picture for the same reason all of the teenagers were. I was back there today when there were now TWO almost naked boys in the doorway and figured out I could get an ok shot of them from upstairs. Notice the top of Santa's castle in the bottom of the pictures. You can see the guy on the left better in the first picture and the guy on the right better in the second one.

Does anyone else see this as inappropriate and are there other malls across America doing this same horrible thing? Please let me know.

Look Around

I did lots of Christmas shopping today. I was all over town. When I'm driving and when I'm walking through parking lots I can't help but look at people's license plates. Sometimes I see funny ones and of course I take a picture. I saw a kind of random one when I was at Bed Bath and Beyond today, but didn't really feel like stopping and taking a picture. I went to a bunch more stores and went to my last stop, JC Penney. That SAME CAR was there! So I HAD to take a picture this time:

And in case you were wondering "Look up where?" the guy with the answer to that question was parked in my apartment complex parking lot when I got home tonight. Seriously.

It Finally Paid Off!

My extreme love and knowledge of Christmas songs, that's what. More on that later, though.

I had a pretty crazy fun day. I took D with me to the Scholastic Warehouse Book Sale today where all of the books were half price. I got some pretty cute winter books and other first to second grade level books as well as a free dessert cookbook since I got $10 off of my $50.

Then D's dad called me and invited us to go to his office Christmas party. So we did that for 3 hours. Kinda weird. We had a huge amount of awesome food though and then watched them do white elephant gift exchange and give awards for the year's accomplishments. Lots of jokes that I didn't get.

Tonight we had our Sunday School Christmas party. It was crazy fun...

First, we decorated people up like reindeer:

Then we did the Christmas Singing Bee. They played parts of songs and then we wrote down the next lyrics after they stopped the music. I (and the lovely Kristen Nelson) totally dominated on this game. I LOVE Christmas music and listen to it as much as possible from Thanksgiving until Christmas. I also learn songs very quickly, so I pretty much know all of them. We both got 9 out of the 12 songs right. (I couldn't get Santa Baby because I couldn't remember which verse came next. I didn't get What Are You New Year's Eve because I've never heard it. I didn't get Merry Christmas Darling because I don't know it well.)

Then we did the dirty santa ornament exchange which was out of control.

Someone brought this crazy ugly bird thing. The person who got it wasn't so thrilled.

Then our director, sitting right by her, also got a crazy ugly bird thing. (They are both holding them in their right hands.)

Apparently this ornament is now a tradition of our class' ornament exchange. This guy, Nathan, gave it to someone last year, then they brought this year. Very funny.

This guy actually stole one of the birds because "it's the closest to a pet that she'll let me get."

Then we tried to take a class picture...

One time a camera fell off the pyramid of cameras on timers and everyone reacted. Also, Nathan picked that camera up and tried to catch everyone before the fallen camera went off.
Another time my camera's timer button didn't get pushed and it took it before everyone was ready.

We did get one good picture!

Jon got the very last number in the ornament exchange, so I had him pick this Santa bell for me.

And, finally to the subject of the blog... Because I co-won the Christmas Singing Bee, I got to pick the last ornament. There weren't many that I liked because I'm not a big fan of balls and that's what most people brought. So I got this silver snowflake.

And to end the day, we got home tonight and the thing I've now been waiting WEEKS to arrive finally came. I bought a brand new copy of the Christmas Classics DVD on Amazon (two weeks ago) under the used section for $7 cheaper than in stores. I thought it had been stolen off of our porch since that's where the mail guy leaves them if it won't fit in the mail box. But then it showed up. Yay! 7 movies plus a music CD!

Kid Quotes 101-120

kid giving an example of greater than: "One million is greater than, um, eiiiiiighteeeeeen... NO! eighty... eight! yeah! eighty‑eight!"

to me after drawing a football on the board... "Did you used to be an ARTIST?"

after telling her we're getting our science books today: "When do we get to do potions?"

"I've been playing soccer for TEN YEARS!"

after seeing a picture of Jon, they all started asking normal get‑to‑know‑someone questions like "how old is he?", "what is his job?", "what is his name?", and so on, and then one youngin' asked the one question that I always ask when I want to know about someone...
"How many teeth does he have?"

Kid: I ate dog food once.
Me: Why?
Kid: My dad dared me to.

trying to tell me he's confused about a math problem... "I'm complicated"

after reading a coloring book type story of the olympics, and told they could color it...
"Can we just leave it like it is without color so it looks like the 80's?"

"There was a tarantula in a hole in a tree and it had lots of bright colors and then a tennis ball went into the hole and then they pulled the tennis ball out and the tarantula went into the house and got into a coffee cup on the handle part, not the cup part, and then they picked up the cup and the tarantula went into a pop and couldn't get out and then looked up and said maybe a straw could save me."

"It feels like it's NINETY NINE degrees out there! ... ONE time it WAS 99 degrees!"

Kid: If I don't eat soon, I'm going to examinate!
Me: What's that?
Kid: Disappear!

putting together a USA puzzle... "God made North Carolina upside‑down!"

today was a red ozone day... "Hold your breath! It's a bad day!"

Kid: Are you going to invite us to your wedding?
Me: Sure!
Whines About EVERYTHING Kid: My mom is going to forgeeeeeeeet!

Most Annoying Kid, the constant talker, was absent today...
Me: Ok, I need y'all to get quiet...
Kid: (Most Annoying Kid's Name)!

Said in almost the same exact voice as Napoleon Dynamite said "my lips hurt real bad!"...
"I'm not done yet and my thumb hurts real bad!"

"Blood tastes like cupcakes with rotten eggs on them."

(I ususally listen to KSBJ, the Christian radio station in Houston, on my computer during my conference period and often forget to turn it off before they come back in. Today I did that exact thing and got the following question...)
"Is that your favorite rock CD?"

Kid: Other Kid said two potty words!
Me: What did she say?
Kid: The yellow one and the brown one!

While reading outloud to the class, I had to stop and tell them to get quiet about a million times. I said "I'm never going to be able to finish this book!" and I got the response:
"Have faith in yourself!"


Ok. That last poll was boring. The winner was obviously visiting family as the favorite thing about Christmas. Second was Christmas cookies. And I agree, those are the two best (secular) things about Christmas. Alright. This new poll is one I was going to wait to do but I can't wait any longer. Who are you people? Please tell me. I don't know how I could have this many people visiting each day. If you click "other" then please explain. If you haven't commented before, maybe tell me who you are? Love y'all. You keep me on my toes.

Kid Quotes 81-100

"My dad is brilliant! His last name is my last name!"

"I only have to break one more blood vessel before my tooth will fall out!"

talking about the water cycle... "You mean that I have the same rain as Davy Crocket? and ELVIS?"

Kid: You don't act like a teacher.
Me: Oh, why not?
Kid: You don't wear clothes like a teacher.
Me: I dress too nice to be a teacher?
Kid: Yeah!

talking about Jon...
Kid: Is he a principal?
Kid: No, not yet, but he wants to be some day.
Kid: Well tell him, "Keep dreamin', pretty boy. It's not gonna happen!"

Bugs movie on field trip: "the mantis approaches its mate with seductive movements"
Kid to her mom: "what does that mean?"
Me: "Yeah mom, what does that mean?" :‑)

after touching the snake... "My snakey hands are snakey"

"Who invented ladybugs?"

Kid 1: "Einstein invented that m c squared thing"
Kid 2: "nu‑uh! I did!"

Kid: I want to tell you a secret, but you can't tell anyone.
Me: OK
Kid: Are you an angel?
Me: uuuuum, no
Kid: (whispering) well I am!
Me: hm. really?
Kid: Yeah! I do the angel tree thing.

Kid: Do you like gremlins?
Me: the movie?
Kid: yeah ‑ I like it!
Me: Yeah, me too. It came out when I was little.
Kid: So it's REALLY old?

Kid: What did you get for your birthday?
Me: Well my parents bought me a hammock and my brother got me a nintendo game (I still have my old school nintendo and greatly enjoy it)
Kid: What's a nintendo?

So this one girl did one of her worksheets completely wrong so I was explaining what she was supposed to do. After I was done...
"Wow! That's not even CLOSE to what I did!"

"I'll give you all the money I have to not send home that note!"

Kid: How much does it cost to have a wedding?
Me: It depends on how big it is. It's several thousand dollars usually.
Kid: Well who pays for it?
Me: Mostly the bride's parents.
Kid: You have to help right? Like you need to start saving money.
Me: Yes I do.
Kid: Well I need to save money for college. My parents are going to give me $8 for college.
Me: And you have to save the rest?
Kid: Yeah! Can you give me $129 for college?
Me: Is that how much college costs?
Kid: Yeah. Maybe it costs even $1000!

On my answering machine when I got home from the last day of school: "Hey! This is (Naaaaaaaaame). I just wanted to know. Miss Hartman. If I could stop by some tiiiiiime and say hiiiiiiiiiiii and get together. (long pause) That'll be all! Bye‑bye!" click.

New Year. New Awesome Group of First Graders. 2004-2005

"I wanted to have Mrs. Nicholson, but then I realized that you're better."

"What's fun about school is that you get a new teacher every year."

After school, walking by the room hearing me talking outloud to myself: "Why don't you just say it inside your brain?"

Kid: I need to go to the bathroom.
Me: Ok, I want you to ASK permission.
Kid: Oh ok. I need to go to the bathroom. I need to go number one.

It's Like I've Always Said

Lightning is NOT awesome. I'm super scared of it. And this is why. The next door neighbors of the family I work for had their house struck by freakin' lightning last night. It shook the ground in both houses, singed the hair on the arm of the guy who lives in the house, knocked out the internet, computer, and security system of "my" family, not to mention whatever was damaged in the house that was actually hit. The damage to the house itself doesn't seem to be very bad, and luckily it didn't catch on fire, but it sure did damage in its vicinity.

This is a piece of the roof that flew pretty far from the house.

Then a few different angles on the same thing. I couldn't get too close to their house without being in their yard:

Christmas Music With... Me!

In honor of this, my one hundredth post, I wanted to something especially awesome. This took a while to record and change and fix and do. Then I spent about three hours trying to get the audio files online. Couldn't get it to work. So I made into a video with a few pictures of me. So you better like it. (You're going to have to turn up the volume some. It didn't transfer to the video very loudly.) With that, I present to you:

Me Singing Christmas Songs (+2 Others) When I Was Three Years Old

Kid Quotes 61-80

"I am six and a half point one percent Native American"

"I think that I grow three inches every day. Yeah, that's right. Three inches."

While walking around staring at her hands, I ask her what she's doing... "Nothing, just deciding which one is my favorite hand."

"I'm a sandwich!" ‑ Ruben

"I think I accidentally ate my band‑aid"

Me: There are many kinds of gases. One of them comes out of your mouth when you breathe out.
Kid: Sometimes gas comes out the other end too!

Me: You can't see, feel, or taste gases.
Kid: Yeah, you CAN taste it! It tastes like... watermelon!

"It depends on when you were born, not when your birthday was..."
(me: "what?!")
"Well, first you were born, then after a whole bunch of years... um, I don't know what I'm talking about"

"If you were my mom, you would probably ground me all the time just like my mom does"

"It costs more to go buy a baby than to get it out of your tummy."

"Buying a baby is better than having one because then you can pick if you want a boy or girl"

"Limited Too is for freeloaders."

"That freaked my guts out of me!"

We were reading a book about rainforests and it had a drawing of a kid (behind a bush) with no clothes on... Kid 1: That kid doesn't have any clothes on!
Kid 2: Of course he doesn't have clothes on! They're in the rainforest! It's not like he can go to Old Navy and get some!

Me: The equator is an imaginary line that goes around the earth. You can't see it.
Kid: But you can HEAR it!

"My stomach bone hurts"

said to one of the kids who had spiked his hair today... "You look like my goat when he's scared!"

"Have you seen that one movie? I can't remember what it's called, but it's about a Secret Garden."

"Is Canada a desert?"

talking about liquids and solids...
Me: If you put Goldfish crackers into a bowl, what shape would they become Colin?
Colin: Goldfish crackers and what do germs look like?

And The Winner Is...

A Christmas Story!

I have closed the poll because I feel you are ready for the next one. A Christmas Story, which actually IS the best Christmas movie ever made, came out on top with 35.7% of the vote!
Miracle on 34th Street, Rudolph/Frosty/Santa, Christmas Vacation, and Home Alone all tied for 2nd place with 14.3% of the vote. Now on to the next question: What is your favorite Christmas tradition? (Completely secular question.)

In honor of A Christmas Story winning y'all's favorite movie, I'm going to share my top 25 favorite quotes from the movie. I watched it for the first time this year today. (I don't know what took me so long.) I wrote them down as I went.
I linked as many as I could find to their sound files. Sorry if some don't work. I tried. Unfortunately I couldn't find some of my very favorite ones (marked with stars) that I used to have the sound file for.
In chronological order in the movie, here we go...

"They looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears."

"I want an official Red Ryder carbine action 200 shot range model air rifle. Oooooo."

"In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan."

* "I can't put my arms down!"

"Schwartz created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat."

* "Meatloaf smeatloaf double beatloaf. I HATE meatloaf!"

* "Fra-gee-lay. It must be Italian!" (I say this one all of the time.)

"Only one thing in the world could have dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window."

"Listen to this sentence: 'A red ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time.' Poetry. Sheer poetry."

"Don't want to waste electricity."

"My old man's spare tires were actually only tires in the academic sense. They were round. They had once been made of rubber."

* "Only I didn't say fudge. I said THE word. The big one. The queen mother of dirty words. The F dash dash dash word."

"My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium. A master."

"Be sure to drink your Ovaltine? A crummy commercial?"

* "You used up all the glue on purpose."

"Not a finga!"

"Daddy's gonna kill Ralphie!" "No, I promise you daddy's not going to KILL Ralphie."

"I slowly began to realize I was not about to be destroyed."

"The line waiting to Santa Claus stretched all the way back to Terre Haute. And I was at the end of it."

"I like Santa."

* "I like the Wizard of Oz. I like the tin man."

"Football? Football? What's a football?"

** "Wow! Whoopee! A zeppelin!"

"Aunt Clara had, for years, labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually four years old, but also a girl."

"Deck the hars with boughs of horry. Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra. Tis the season to be jorry. Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra..."

Poor Susan

She never saw it coming. One minute she was just sitting there getting asked questions about herself. Next minute she's neck deep in cold wet grass outside of somebody's apartment building.

Happy Hannukah!

For those of you who don't know, we are about halfway through Hannukah right now. I saw this guy driving around Little Rock the other day and was upset I couldn't get a picture of his car. You don't know how thrilled I was to see him again this afternoon, this time pulling into the bank parking lot in front of me. He has the menorah on top of his car that he turns on an additional bulb each day. They also stay lit while the car is off because this is a picture of the car parked while he was inside the bank.

I don't know if Chabad is the guy's name or what, but he seemed to be an Orthodox Jew perhaps? (Sorry if I have this totally wrong.) He was dressed in the black suit with the black hat and full beard. There don't seem to be many of those guys around here, so it was pretty cool to see. Way to celebrate the season, guy whose name is possibly Chabad!

Kid Quotes 41-60

Kid: (running up screaming...) These fruit snacks are FAT FREE!!!
Me: OK
Kid: What does fat free mean?
Me: It doesn't have any fat in it.
Kid: Of course it doesn't have fat in it. It's not meat. Meat's the only thing with fat in it.

"My grandmother is so lucky. She's 105 and she's never even died!"

"Well if you know everything, then how many people are in Heaven?"

(To me:) "You don't work! Work means you have a job and you use a computer and you make stuff. Do YOU make stuff?"

"You have a baby only when the potion turns blue."

"When you kiss your husband, if you ever get one, right when you kiss him you get a big belly and have a baby."

"I have a girlfriend, but I can't remember what her name is."

Kid: Can you come over to my house for milk and cookies?
Me: I don't know where you live.
Kid: Well then I can come to your house.
Me: But you don't know where I live.
Kid: Yes I do. You live in the apartment.

"I'm allowed to talk about God. I'm Catholic."

Kid: Is college more important than playing?
Me: ...um... yes?
Kid: So college is more important than playing outside?
Me: Yes.
Kid: So I don't need to bring my money for college for the park?
Me: No, save your money.
(We were raising money to build a park in town.)

"My grandma knows everyone's phone number. Even God's phone number!"

"I know where rainbows come from. Boston!"

Kid 1: Boo St Patrick's Day!

Kid 2: Don't boo ‑ he's gonna bring you gold!

Kid 3: He doesn't bring gold. He only brings four‑leaf clovers.

Kid: You know what my favorite movie ever is?

Me: No, what?

Kid: Well, not really movie, but color.

Me: Ok. What?

Kid: Khaki!

"My eyelashes are too long. They keep getting in my eyes and I'm having trouble seeing."

"For Spring Break I'm going to Hawaii and Six Flags and Hurricane Harbor and San Antonio and then we might roast hot dogs and marshmallows and we might have someone spend the night."


Q: Why couldn't the elephant eat the peanut?

A: Because it was too elephanting up.

Q: Why couldn't the kid get into the movie?

A: It was rated R.

Knock Knock

Who's there?


Bull who?


Q: Why couldn't the cat go to the store?

A: Because cat in the hat

Yeah, I Did It Too

I was originally creeped out by these, but decided to do it anyway. It came out cute. I like Jack's elf best.


Kid Quotes 21-40

"A&M? that's kinda like M&M, except it's A&M"

"In 18 years Miss Hartman is going to look so so so different."

Setting: in the middle of a game of Math Bingo.
What happened: the kid blurts out...
"I like ham."
Me: "Did you say 'I like ham'?"
Kid: "Yeah, like from pigs. You know that ham comes from pigs right?"
Me: "Yes, so does bacon, sausage, pork chops..."
Kid: "Beef"
Me: "No, beef comes from cows"
Kid: "I know. I'm just naming meat."

"Miss Hartman, you look married today"
("I look married?")
"Yeah, you look almost the same, but you look married. And you sound married."

Me: "Hogs are like pigs."
Kid: "My dad is one of those. He's a hog. He likes to eat lots of things."

"Do you know what my mom is bring for the party? Sugar cookies. Home made! Except she has to go to the store and buy the dough first."

"Is there such a thing as 18,000?"

"Stewed tomatoes give me the squirts."

"You smell like Dr. Pepper... no... Diet Dr. Pepper."

"Oatmeal Creme Pies give me heartburn."

Me: What was the best thing you did over Christmas break?
Kid 1: We fed the reindeer glitter and oatmeal.
Kid 2: I met my twin brother. He's 24. That's not very old. You have to be 30 to get married.

Me: This book is by (whoever) Lopez
Kid: That's almost like JLo Lopez. My dad likes her.

"You can't drink diet coke! Because then you can't get a car!"

Q: What did the meat say to the coffee?
A: If you coffee me one more time, you're gonna be dead meat.

"Santa Claus really is a Christian, because he brought me a penny with a cross on it."

"Me and Other Kid got the same book, except mine's different. It has a different title."

"When you grow up, you have to kiss a girl by the time you're 33."

Me: Molly, why does your shirt have a V on it?
Molly: I don't know. Maybe it stands for violet.
Me: But your name doesn't begin with a V.
Molly: Well, I could change my name to V‑Molly!

"This book doesn't have very good graphics."

Ode to ER

Tonight, on the evening of the 300th episode of ER, I want to offer up a little poem I wrote to honor the show. First a disclaimer that this is probably the worst poem I've ever written. I was trying to put all of those names in there and it just didn't work well. Nobody's name is rhymable! I've been watching the show from its beginning in 1994. I wasn't a regular watcher at the very beginning, but I'd say I've probably seen 275 out of the 300 episodes. So here we go. My pretty bad Ode to ER.

Lily, Malik, Haleh, and Pickman will stay in my heart

Since they’ve been on ER from the very start.

I guess I’ll count Chuny, Olbes, and Shirley too,

But they didn’t start until season two.

“Who are Pickman and Olbes?” you may say.

The same paramedics that are there each day.

I’ve watched ER now for 14 years,

But when I think of who’s left I shed a tear.

I loved the old days of Peter and Carter,

Mark and Elizabeth, Carol and Doug

There were some people I never liked though.

They always found a way to bug:

Malucci and Lucy, and Kovac even

And Jing-Me (who was Deb in the very first season.)

There have been people who have been on the show

Who are now famous but not all know.

Jorja Fox, Khandi Alexander,

Maria Bello, and Mariska Hargitay

Elizabeth Mitchell, Tom Everett Scott,

And William H. Macy weren’t here to stay.

Many got their start on our show,

But have found now higher places to go.

When I was 13 in 1994,

I watched the pilot as Carol came through the door.

And in the first few years I didn’t keep the streak,

I watched it alot, but not every week.

Around season 4, I watched every time

Was in front of the TV at the nine o’clock chime.

I’ve barely missed an episode since then,

Even when it got bad after season ten.

But even with it getting better again

I’m really ready for the show to end.

Over half my life I’ve watched this show

And I think it’s now time for it to go.

It’s been a good time and I’ve enjoyed it all,

But something new can come next fall.

Kid Quotes 1-20

I know you've been waiting with bated breath since 1:10am to hear what great thing I've come up with to post. Well, I was a teacher for four years and wrote down as many of the funny things that the kids said that I could remember each day. Shevawn said that she missed the kids quotes, and I know that some of you have seen these all before. But seeing them again is always funny (I know. I still laugh every time I read them.) and I know a bunch of you haven't ever seen them. So I will be giving them to you in installments of 20. This should last a while. I will be starting with my first year of teaching (2003-2004) when I had an amazing group of 1st graders. They were my favorite class I had while teaching. Here are the little (mostly) angels:

I'll start with some of the jokes they told and then move right into the quotes. Enjoy!

Q: What do you call a banana split in half?

A: A banana split

Q: Why did the fish eat a cucumber?

A: He wanted to be a cucumber.

Q: What do you call a potato with clothes and a face?

A: Mr. Potato Head

Q: What did King Tut do?

A: "I want my mommy"

Q: Why did the cucumber say "go away" to the french fry?

A: Because cucumbers are juicier.

Q: What did the dog say after being attacked by the tiger?

A: Nothing. Dogs can't talk.

Q:What did the G say to the H?

A: I love you

Q: What do you call a flying skunk?

A: A smellicopter

Q: What do you call a squirrel eating a turkey?

A: A squirrel bawk bawk.

Q: What do you call a B marrying a Q?

A: A bar‑b‑que

Q: Why is my brother so skinny?

A: He eats lots of Laffy Taffy and when you laugh you lose a calorie.

First Grade Thoughts on Living By Yourself

"You can eat as much ice cream as you want!"

"You can stay up late, and watch TV, and eat popcorn!"

"You don't have to worry about burglars because they only live in New York and places like that."

"It wouldn't be good because you wouldn't get allowance and then you couldn't buy any food."

"If you lived in Africa, and lions attacked you, who would protect you?"


First Grade Obsession With My Personal Life

Me starting to tell my class they're not going to have a spelling test next week...

Me: "I have a surprise for you! Next week I'm..."

Interrupting Kid: "...getting married?

Nosy Kid: "Miss Hartman why aren't you married?"

Me: "Well I haven't found someone who wants to marry me yet."

Encouraging Kid: "Don't worry Miss Hartman. Boys really do dig girls."

"When you get married, can I be your ring burier?"

"Have you ever kissed someone that isn't your mom or dad?"

"When you get married, you're not going to be Miss Hartman anymore. Are you going to get married this year?" (By the way, that would be no. I think Jon and I had maybe just started dating at that point.)

Coming Soon to a Blog Near You

With the concern upon me about entertaining the masses (or at least dozen) I have thought of something that you all will enjoy that I can start posting regularly that will last a while. Check back soon for the first installment. Get your hopes up. It's gonna be great.

By the way, see my posting time? Ridiculous. I really need to start going to bed earlier. Since I get up at 6:00.

Y'all Are Stressing Me

Now that I have a group of regular visitors, I'm feeling obligated to post something regularly. One of you told me tonight that you enjoy my page since I'm on it every day. Every day?! I don't think I can keep up! I remembered I didn't post up the funny Thanksgiving pictures. So here they are. Thanksgiving in Fort Worth with my fam, starting with the montage of Jack wanting some food:

Wanting some of the bread my mom was tearing up for the dressing.

Wanting some of the cinnamon muffin batter.

Wanting some of the brownie batter (or whatever she was mixing). Greedy dog.

My mom was pre-carving the turkey and found the wishbone, so she and my brother decided to play.

They have pieces of paper towel wrapped around it because it was slippery.

My mom (who can't keep her eyes open when a camera flashes) won.

Josh was sad and was consoled by his girlfriend. But luckily my mom wished for the same thing as he did: a new place for him to live and this week it happened! Yay!

We had super weird Thanksgiving In The Living Room this year because my mom didn't want to cram 9 people into her small dining room. It worked pretty well.

The boys (and Grammy too apparently) didn't even wait for the table to be moved out of the living room to turn on the football. You see Jon had already changed into his Cowboys shirt.