I totally forgot to finish these with my last year of teaching quotes. This was 2006-2007: Fourth grade lovelies in Texarkana. Find me (and the other two teachers!) in the second picture to get my (our) opinion of the majority of the group. Especially that kid.

First day of school finish-the-sentence assignment: "One day I would like to... own three Hummers."

"I went to Mexico once. There was this HUGE LAKE!"

Kid 1: Apollo 11! I saw that movie!
Me: It was Apollo 13.
Kid 1: Yeah, but it was boring so I changed it to Cartoon Network.
Kid 2: What's Apollo 13?
Kid 1: It's a spaceship that came after Apollo 11.

"I wonder what it would be like to just live under a whole bunch of desks."
**This is probably my favorite quote from all four years. I randomly say it all of the time.**

after I put on goggles for a science experiment...
"That's what GENIUSES do when they're going to do an experiment!"

...and later when they wore them to do their own experiment another kid said...
"I feel like a genius scientist in these things!"

Me: The rover on Mars takes pictures of the planet, like these.
Kid: How do we get the pictures?
Me: The rover sends them through space.
Kid: Do they, like, shoot them out of a cannon or something?

"When did no become k-n-o-w?"

"I think I broke my stomach!"

"Don't ever touch a black man's radio!"

"You look like you don't have a stomach!"

"Hey! I left my jacket in my desk this weekend. How you been doin' baby?" (to the jacket)

walking down the hall looking at armpit... "Yessssssssssssss!" (Me: What?) "I'm finally getting hair in my armpit. I'm turning into a man!!!!"

Kid: Did you know there's a volcano in Japan called Fudge???
Me: It's Fuji. Have you ever heard of Fujifilm?
Kid: No, but I've heard of fudge!

"Are those candy or erasers?"

about the snails I put in our aquarium...
"I hope no French people come! They'll eat 'em!"

after school outside at parent pick up... right after the kid asks me if I'll take him home (he's black, I'm white, by the way...)
Kid: Did you see that? That kid got in the car with him and he's not even white!
Me: WHAT? Are you saying black people and white people can't ride in a car together?
Kid: Yeah!
Me: Didn't you JUST ask me to take you home in my car?
Kid: But you're black.
Me: What?!
Kid: Well, you're a light skinned black.
My pale friend: Well, what am I?
Kid: You're black on the inside!

"My heart is beeping really fast."

"I don't want to go home. I'm not one of THOSE kids. I like to stay at school."

while shooting off film canister rockets...
Kid 1: Is it World War 1 again?
Kid 2: He's talking about the Civil War!

"Is tomorrow Monday?"

"I'm ready to grow up and be a grandma!"

"If C------'s stomach hurts, then we're like twins."

"I figured out you and A----- yesterday. You both have REALLY long toes!"

"See you never... until tomorrow!"

Kid: (pointing at Chris Jones) Christian Cherry just hit me!
Chris: I'm Chris Jones
Kid: OK, Kristen Joseph.... I'm not making fun of your name. I'm just really bad with names.

"Do you think the mayor could adopt me? That guy's rich! Then I could have one of those toilets where you just say "flush" and it flushes, and half of it's gold and half of it's silver!"

Kid: I feel sorry for Japan because of the earthquakes.
Me: Japan's biggest problem is volcanoes.
Kid: And Godzilla!

Posted in: kid quotes on Saturday, June 14, 2008 at at 9:31 PM 3 comments    

I'm kind of surprised at the lack of comments about the kid quotes. I think they're hilarious! Don't feel obligated though. Continuing on with the 2005-2006 fourth graders...

Kid 1: (singing) I'm in love with a stripper.
Me: Stop singing that!
Kid 1: Why?
Me: It's inappropriate.
Kid 2: (whispering) Yeah, they take their clothes off, man!

The next three quotes were all said by the same kid:
"We're going to Mardi Gras this weekend and my dad said my mom isn't allowed to drive back."

After the weekend... "I got some beads! You wanna know how? By flashing my titties."

And to another teacher: "I got beads by mooning someone"
Teacher: Where was your mother during all this?
Kid: In the car with a can.

"OK, don't take this wrong. Your momma's so fat she jumped in the ocean and the whales started singing 'We are family. Even though you're bigger than me.' (me staring at him) So you see. Whales are fat. But your momma's fatter. Don't take it wrong."

During the writing multiple choice section of the state test the smartest kid in 4th grade raises her hand... whispering: "I thought that a thesaurus was a dinosaur!"

"If you're sick, then why are you wearing a skirt?"

"Do you know my social security number?"

4th Grade Space Camp Quotes

We had a 12 hour bus ride with 37 4th graders then three full days with them. They had a lot of funny stuff to say...

While at a truck stop, he points at a shack nearby and says... "I'm 5% sure that my ancestors lived in that house."

"I weigh too little to pronounce it"

Kid: Did you wear that on Sunday?
Me: Today IS Sunday.
Kid: Aw, you smart. D----- fell for it.

"McDonald's fries suck now. They changed the oil."

Looking at a McDonald's apple pie box that a kid handed me... "Is that a camera?"

"My definition of square dancing is putting on a cowboy hat and jumping around."

Kid: We were taking my dog to the vet because we thought he was bleeding, then we realized it was just Mexican candy.
Me: What's Mexican candy?
Kid: You know, that stuff with a spoon where one side is watermelon flavored and the other side is Mexican flavored.

After riding G-Force, one of those rides that spins and presses you against the wall... "I feel skinnier."

Space Camp Staff Guy: What did the Chinese come up with that was important to space exploration?
Kid: Fortune Cookies?

While standing on a scale, squatting...
"I'm putting all my strength in my legs. I'm trying to weigh more!"

"What's Tang? It's Tangy!"

Holding up a girl's swimsuit... "Is this for girls or boys?"

Doing a commercial for beef jerky... "Are you tired of eating normal beef?"

Talking about the shower in the dorm... "I'm gonna stay in there all night 'cause the water bill's free!"

Posted in: kid quotes on Wednesday, February 27, 2008 at at 1:16 AM 1 comments    

I meant to post these the other day, but I forgot.

My 4th Graders Valentines Assignment (2006): Write something nice about every person and give it to them. These were some of my favorite ones. I've dashed out the names when written. The spelling errors are theirs, not mine...

* Your hair looks good
* You are a very good loser to kids
* Your cool and its not the cool you think it just means cool
* You're short but you think tall
* You can sing when it's a good song
* If your favorite color is yellow, mine is too
* (by the same kid as above): If your favorite color is red mine is too.
* Your silly in a good way
* Burps good
* Keep stylin
* Spanish girl
* you have the gratest hear due
* I like your shoes
* You're a good smiler
* Funny outburst sometimes stupid
* Loves to do something
* Loves to walk around
* All the girls like u sike HA!
* Keep pimpin Lean with it
* Is a gamer
* You fall alot but you're my friend
* Is nicer than her sister
* Is sweet not evil and my best friend
* Dear A----- C------ think you sweet. R-----
* Your birthday is closest to my dads
* You're the 2nd best reader and just read the book before you take the test
* You're short but you also smart
* You rock someone's world. I don't know who though.
* Is a kid that can read
* We will be friends until we get wrinkled and old
* Is weak and strong
* You're very good at throwing tennis balls
* You can be funny when you try
* Stephen is unpredictable (VERY true!)
* You are a good "tata teller"
* You have good manners, to me
* You are the best tallest friend
* Fun + friend = J------

And I'm going to go ahead and stay on the theme and post the same assignment... My 4th Graders Valentines Assignment (2007):

* I like your shous.
* You are kinda cool.
* You like to mess with me all the time.
* Your are nice - sighn E----
* You are so cool. You look like a Hotrod
* You are very good at being quiet.
* Is cooler than ice.
* You smell nice.
* Your nicer then nice.
* Your everything. Well, your very nice, and smart on your timetables.
* I like the way you talk. Would you teach me how to talk like that. (to Mexican student)
* You are a very good checker player.
* You good a math.
* Nice hair!
* Cool hair to?
* Cool but sweet.
* Your and stupindous friend and student.
* Cool jacket.
* You really like the razorbacks!
* Cool backpack!
* You is good.
* Your my best friend. P.S. You skatbord.
* He weres nice shoes.
* Has a nice hair doe.
* Has cool earings.
* Has long hair.
* Is not bad.
* Love Gap things.
* Do your best in shcool.
* Has very good hunting skills.
* Good little boy.
* I’m your friend.
* I love my sealf. (to self)
* You are very adventares.
* She has very long hair.
* You are cool when you like tinkerbell.
* Is sord of nice.
* You’re tall!
* Is a very nice person and he like mecanical pencils!
* He likes to talk!
* Is cool as snow.
* You got taste!
* Is a good, good, good, good, and good friend.
* You are a funny person and artes.
* You’re a real friend you’re a real Mikel Jordan.
* She is nicer than ever.
* You are so sweet you nock me off of my feet.
* You dress clean.
* You got the bling-bling.
* Is kind than my mom.
* I know my brother can be mean but that doesn’t matter. You rock.
* You razzle dazzle me.

Posted in: kid quotes on Saturday, February 16, 2008 at at 11:54 PM 1 comments    

July 2005 we got married and I moved to Texarkana. I moved on up to fourth grade math and science. Here are the goobers I taught...

Posted in: kid quotes on Monday, February 04, 2008 at at 6:32 AM 0 comments    

These are the last of the first grader quotes. Aw.

"Are the Dallas Mavericks a high school team?"

Kid: Miss Hartman, what's your favorite pro football team?
Me: I don't really have one.
Kid: Mine's the Aledo Bearcats! (The mascot at the high school from our district)

Me: Name some words that have "er" in them.
Kid: Joiner!
Me: Well, that's not really a word
Kid: Yeah it is! It's someone who joins something, like "Santa is a joiner"

Question to Show‑and‑Teller: Why do girls like Barbies so much?
Show‑and‑Teller: Yeah, girls always like Barbies and boys always like motorcycles.
Other Kid: Boys just like hitting. (hits self in face)

seeing them getting ready for my shower across the hall...
Kid: What's happening in there?
Other teacher: We're getting ready for Miss Hartman's shower.
Kid: Doesn't she do that at her house?

Kid: Happy Birthday!
Me: It's not my birthday. They're having a shower for me.
Kid: I know. Happy birthday anyway!

while lying on the floor under Hunter's desk... "Hunter won't stop stepping on me!"

Posted in: kid quotes on Wednesday, January 30, 2008 at at 12:21 AM 0 comments    

First Graders still (I don't know why this didn't post in the first place! I just noticed that it didn't post.)

in the middle of our Christmas party...
"Can I take a test?"
"Is the party still going on?"

Kid: My shoe won.
Me: Your shoe won?
Kid: Yeah! In a fight between my shoe and my nose, my shoe won.
Me: When did this happen?
Kid: At recess!

Kid: It takes four hours to get to San Antonio.
Me: No, it's more like 5 hours.
Other kid: Oh! I know why! There's 5 letters in Texas, so it takes five hours, DAYS!, to get to San Antonio.

"Poodles are all about the luxury"

Field Trip Question of the Day:
(we went to the Log Cabin Village and the butterfly exhibit...)
"How many people does it take to make a bus?"

Posted in: kid quotes on Saturday, January 26, 2008 at at 11:55 PM 0 comments    

Wow! Write about American Idol and you get a whole bunch of hits too. I had 77 today! Here are the next 20 quotes. Still first graders.

After I explained that all quarters used to look the same, before they started doing state quarters: "That's dangerous! Because then Canada people could take them and use them like their money!"

"Miss Hartman, my mom said we're not supposed to eat those bananas yesterday. They're not ripe yet!"

"If you talk about heart attacks, you're probably going to have one."

"My dad's coming home tomorrow AND it's gonna be 61!!!"

"My grandmother was born in 1992. No, I mean she was born in 1922. She's 75 years old!"

after taking a computer test...
Kid: Why didn't I get a 100?
Me: You got two wrong.
Kid: What would I have to get to not get any wrong?
Me: Zero
Kid: oh.

Me (randomly) listing the different swimming strokes: backstroke, butterfly, freestyle...
Kid: And the Chicken Airplane Soldier!

having to write something nice about everyone in the class, several had a problem with one specific child...
"Can I say 'Your name is (name)'?"
written about her...
"You have blond hair."
"Your hair is as pretty as ------'s."

Posted in: kid quotes on Thursday, January 17, 2008 at at 11:19 PM 0 comments    

Sorry. I forgot about these. Here are the next 20. This is still first graders.

talking about the American Revolution...
"Yeah, we beat England twice. Once there and once at the Alamo!"

Me: Why do we have Independence Day on July 4th?
Kid: Because that's the day George Washington beat the whole world!

"Last night I dreamed that you took 10,000 minutes off our recess!"

Kid in other class after school: "My best friend is in your class. He's the one that came in and stood right here and then did something."
Me: "Who is it?"
Kid: "I don't remember his name."

first thing the six year old said when she walked in the door... "I'm wearing my mom's panties!"

Me: Before George Washington was president he fought to help make our country free.
Kid: You said fought.
Me: Yeah, fought.
Kid: You said FOUGHT!
Me: I know, fought is right.
Kid: That's not a word! It's not fought!
Me: Fought is right. You probably say it wrong and say "fighted". It's fought.
Kid: You said fought again! That's not right. It's fighted!
Me: I promise it's fought.
This continued for probably about two or three minutes...
Another kid: Yeah, it's fought!
Kid: Oh, ok.

"My grandpa has been in 10 or 20 wars and has never died!"

so Most Annoying Kid had been missing out of the room for about 15 minutes... I called to the library to see if he was still in there, but he wasn't so I then headed to the bathroom to investigate. I called into the bathroom... "MAK?" "yeah?" "are you alright?" "yeah." "hurry up, you've been in there a long time" "ok". So I head back to the room and am most of the way down the hall when I hear yelling down the hall "Miss Hartman!" from the bathroom. So I go back down and am almost there and say "yes, MAK? are you ok?" and he replies, in shouting mode, for all to hear...
"There's peanuts in my poop!"

First Grader Thoughts on Kissing:
"You have to wear chapstick when you kiss."

"Kissing is just like this. (she quickly kisses her desk) Smooching is kissing for a long time."

"When you get married, are you allowed to kiss then?"

"Boys do too wear lipstick! Because when they kiss a girl they get it on them."

"If it's below zero, you can't kiss your husband or you'll get stuck that way for a really long time."
Other teacher: How was your day?
Interrupting kids: Gooooood
Other teacher: How was YOUR day?
Me: Second day in a row of not going to recess because of rain? It was FANTASTIC!
Kid: Nu-uh! It was no-tastic!

Kid 1: She's putting up her middle finger!
Kid 2: We put up our middle finger to Ohio when we moved away from it.
Me: "?!"
Kid 2: What? We did!

Kid: Your ring is as pretty as... a tree!
Me: Pretty as a tree?
Kid: Prettier!

"These shoes are really old! I've had them since I got them!"

"How do you spell "uh"?"
(me: "uh?")
"Yeah, like 'I have uh dog'"

Kid: How do you spell m?
Me: M?!
Kid: Yeah, like the letter m.
Me: um, M!
Kid: oh.

"When girls get all frilly, how come they get all googly-eyed?"

Posted in: kid quotes on Tuesday, January 08, 2008 at at 10:55 PM 1 comments    

"I have lots of hearts all over my body. I felt one of them in my arm one time."

Me: If you want to see more pictures of me when I was little, I'll have to borrow them from my mom.
Kid: YOU have a MOM?!

To me: "You're not a teenager because teenagers listen to music and wear braces."

After reading a story about a girl and her cat who was her friend...
Me: "Is your pet your friend?"
Kid: "No, my dog beats me up!"

"My mom was a naughty nurse for Halloween!"

Reading the story "Who Lives in the Arctic?":
"Polar bears also live in the Arkansas."

"If we have a mud fight and I get that jersey dirty, my dad will kill me for my whole life!"

Posted in: kid quotes on Tuesday, December 18, 2007 at at 9:56 PM 0 comments    

kid giving an example of greater than: "One million is greater than, um, eiiiiiighteeeeeen... NO! eighty... eight! yeah! eighty‑eight!"

"It feels like it's NINETY NINE degrees out there! ... ONE time it WAS 99 degrees!"

Kid: If I don't eat soon, I'm going to examinate!
Me: What's that?
Kid: Disappear!

putting together a USA puzzle... "God made North Carolina upside‑down!"

today was a red ozone day... "Hold your breath! It's a bad day!"

Kid: Are you going to invite us to your wedding?
Me: Sure!
Whines About EVERYTHING Kid: My mom is going to forgeeeeeeeet!

Most Annoying Kid, the constant talker, was absent today...
Me: Ok, I need y'all to get quiet...
Kid: (Most Annoying Kid's Name)!

Said in almost the same exact voice as Napoleon Dynamite said "my lips hurt real bad!"...
"I'm not done yet and my thumb hurts real bad!"

"Blood tastes like cupcakes with rotten eggs on them."

(I ususally listen to KSBJ, the Christian radio station in Houston, on my computer during my conference period and often forget to turn it off before they come back in. Today I did that exact thing and got the following question...)
"Is that your favorite rock CD?"

Kid: Other Kid said two potty words!
Me: What did she say?
Kid: The yellow one and the brown one!

While reading outloud to the class, I had to stop and tell them to get quiet about a million times. I said "I'm never going to be able to finish this book!" and I got the response:
"Have faith in yourself!"

Posted in: kid quotes on Thursday, December 13, 2007 at at 10:57 PM 1 comments    

"My dad is brilliant! His last name is my last name!"

"Who invented ladybugs?"

Kid 1: "Einstein invented that m c squared thing"
Kid 2: "nu‑uh! I did!"

Kid: I want to tell you a secret, but you can't tell anyone.
Me: OK
Kid: Are you an angel?
Me: uuuuum, no
Kid: (whispering) well I am!
Me: hm. really?
Kid: Yeah! I do the angel tree thing.

Kid: Do you like gremlins?
Me: the movie?
Kid: yeah ‑ I like it!
Me: Yeah, me too. It came out when I was little.
Kid: So it's REALLY old?

Kid: What did you get for your birthday?
Me: Well my parents bought me a hammock and my brother got me a nintendo game (I still have my old school nintendo and greatly enjoy it)
Kid: What's a nintendo?

So this one girl did one of her worksheets completely wrong so I was explaining what she was supposed to do. After I was done...
"Wow! That's not even CLOSE to what I did!"

"I'll give you all the money I have to not send home that note!"

Kid: How much does it cost to have a wedding?
Me: It depends on how big it is. It's several thousand dollars usually.
Kid: Well who pays for it?
Me: Mostly the bride's parents.
Kid: You have to help right? Like you need to start saving money.
Me: Yes I do.
Kid: Well I need to save money for college. My parents are going to give me $8 for college.
Me: And you have to save the rest?
Kid: Yeah! Can you give me $129 for college?
Me: Is that how much college costs?
Kid: Yeah. Maybe it costs even $1000!

On my answering machine when I got home from the last day of school: "Hey! This is (Naaaaaaaaame). I just wanted to know. Miss Hartman. If I could stop by some tiiiiiime and say hiiiiiiiiiiii and get together. (long pause) That'll be all! Bye‑bye!" click.

"I wanted to have Mrs. Nicholson, but then I realized that you're better."

"What's fun about school is that you get a new teacher every year."

After school, walking by the room hearing me talking outloud to myself: "Why don't you just say it inside your brain?"

Kid: I need to go to the bathroom.
Me: Ok, I want you to ASK permission.
Kid: Oh ok. I need to go to the bathroom. I need to go number one.

Posted in: kid quotes on Wednesday, December 12, 2007 at at 12:07 AM 1 comments    

"I am six and a half point one percent Native American"

Kid 2: Of course he doesn't have clothes on! They're in the rainforest! It's not like he can go to Old Navy and get some!

Me: The equator is an imaginary line that goes around the earth. You can't see it.
Kid: But you can HEAR it!

"My stomach bone hurts"

said to one of the kids who had spiked his hair today... "You look like my goat when he's scared!"

"Have you seen that one movie? I can't remember what it's called, but it's about a Secret Garden."

"Is Canada a desert?"

talking about liquids and solids...
Me: If you put Goldfish crackers into a bowl, what shape would they become Colin?
Colin: Goldfish crackers and what do germs look like?

Posted in: kid quotes on Sunday, December 09, 2007 at at 11:41 PM 0 comments    

Kid: (running up screaming...) These fruit snacks are FAT FREE!!!
Me: OK
Kid: What does fat free mean?
Me: It doesn't have any fat in it.
Kid: Of course it doesn't have fat in it. It's not meat. Meat's the only thing with fat in it.

"My grandmother is so lucky. She's 105 and she's never even died!"

"Well if you know everything, then how many people are in Heaven?"

(To me:) "You don't work! Work means you have a job and you use a computer and you make stuff. Do YOU make stuff?"

"You have a baby only when the potion turns blue."

"When you kiss your husband, if you ever get one, right when you kiss him you get a big belly and have a baby."

"I have a girlfriend, but I can't remember what her name is."

Kid: Can you come over to my house for milk and cookies?
Me: I don't know where you live.
Kid: Well then I can come to your house.
Me: But you don't know where I live.
Kid: Yes I do. You live in the apartment.

"I'm allowed to talk about God. I'm Catholic."

Kid: Is college more important than playing?
Me: ...um... yes?
Kid: So college is more important than playing outside?
Me: Yes.
Kid: So I don't need to bring my money for college for the park?
Me: No, save your money.
(We were raising money to build a park in town.)

Posted in: kid quotes on Saturday, December 08, 2007 at at 12:18 AM 0 comments    

"A&M? that's kinda like M&M, except it's A&M"

"You smell like Dr. Pepper... no... Diet Dr. Pepper."

"Oatmeal Creme Pies give me heartburn."

Me: What was the best thing you did over Christmas break?
Kid 1: We fed the reindeer glitter and oatmeal.
Kid 2: I met my twin brother. He's 24. That's not very old. You have to be 30 to get married.

Me: This book is by (whoever) Lopez
Kid: That's almost like JLo Lopez. My dad likes her.

"You can't drink diet coke! Because then you can't get a car!"

Q: What did the meat say to the coffee?
A: If you coffee me one more time, you're gonna be dead meat.

"Santa Claus really is a Christian, because he brought me a penny with a cross on it."

"Me and Other Kid got the same book, except mine's different. It has a different title."

"When you grow up, you have to kiss a girl by the time you're 33."

Me: Molly, why does your shirt have a V on it?
Molly: I don't know. Maybe it stands for violet.
Me: But your name doesn't begin with a V.
Molly: Well, I could change my name to V‑Molly!

"This book doesn't have very good graphics."

Posted in: kid quotes on Thursday, December 06, 2007 at at 10:46 PM 0 comments    

I know you've been waiting with bated breath since 1:10am to hear what great thing I've come up with to post. Well, I was a teacher for four years and wrote down as many of the funny things that the kids said that I could remember each day. Shevawn said that she missed the kids quotes, and I know that some of you have seen these all before. But seeing them again is always funny (I know. I still laugh every time I read them.) and I know a bunch of you haven't ever seen them. So I will be giving them to you in installments of 20. This should last a while. I will be starting with my first year of teaching (2003-2004) when I had an amazing group of 1st graders. They were my favorite class I had while teaching. Here are the little (mostly) angels:

I'll start with some of the jokes they told and then move right into the quotes. Enjoy!

Me starting to tell my class they're not going to have a spelling test next week...

Me: "I have a surprise for you! Next week I'm..."

Interrupting Kid: "...getting married?

Nosy Kid: "Miss Hartman why aren't you married?"

Me: "Well I haven't found someone who wants to marry me yet."

Encouraging Kid: "Don't worry Miss Hartman. Boys really do dig girls."

"When you get married, can I be your ring burier?"

"Have you ever kissed someone that isn't your mom or dad?"

"When you get married, you're not going to be Miss Hartman anymore. Are you going to get married this year?" (By the way, that would be no. I think Jon and I had maybe just started dating at that point.)

Posted in: kid quotes on Wednesday, December 05, 2007 at at 9:27 PM 1 comments