I was showing them our engagement pictures...
Kid: Did you take one kissing?
Me: Yes.
Kid 2: Will you show it to us?
Me: No.
Kid 3: Yeah, she doesn't want us to know all her darkest secrets!

Kid: What are you drinking?
Me: Cherry Vanilla Diet Coke
Kid: Are you on a diet?
Me: Sort of.
Kid: Are you trying to get skinny for your wedding?
Me: Yes.
Kid 2: Oh! I know why you are on a diet!
Me: Why?
Kid 2: So you can be faster!
Me: What?
Kid 2: You know, in case y'all want to race or something, you can be faster.

"Hey! Guess what! I named my scabs! This one is named hurty, and this one is named painy."
later in the day...
"Everyone keeps on hurting painy!"

Kid: What's a deadly germ? I killed a deadly germ once.
Me: How?
Kid: I squashed it. With my pencil.

Kid 1 to Kid 2: Your breath smells like soy milk.

Kid: How long does it take to get a baby?
Me: um, what?!
Kid: How long does it take for you to get a baby?
Me: um, 9 months.
Kid: NO, how long does it take for a doctor to get a baby out of you?
Me: It's different for everyone, sometimes 24 hours or more, sometimes a few hours.
Kid : (shocked face)

Kid 1: Women are more important than men. We couldn't survive without them because they have babies.
Kid 2: Nu‑uh! Men are more important!
Kid 1: No, women are!
Kid 2: No, because men, like, make chairs and stuff.

Me: Name some foods that come from plants.
Kid 1: Meat.
Me: No, what does meat come from?
Kid 2: Animals!
Me: Right.
Kid 1: No! My dad said he saw a meat tree once!

"Out of all the people in my family, I'm the most corn."

"My dad said I cost alot of money. Do you have to buy a baby?"

"Miss Hartman, what's your last name?"

(I had a huge bruise on my arm right now where they messed up at the doctor taking my blood...)
Me: The marker's not working...
Kid: Maybe it's afraid of that bruise! (this is one of my favorite quotes ever)

after stepping on my foot...
Me: You stepped on my foot.
Kid: oh
Me: And you should say...?
Kid: ...president?
Me: WHAT?
Kid: I mean, thank you?
Me: Try again.
Kid: Sorry.
Me: Much better. Go to music.