I assume he was trying to write "I have a lot of toys." but wrote: "I have a lot of toes."

Kid: My dad is going out of town today.
Me: Is he going back to Mississippi? (he had to come back early when a hurricane hit)
Kid: No. Mississippi IS NO MORE! Because of the hurricane!

"I remember ALL my memories!"

"He's thinking about hitting me!"

~~~

First Grader Columbus Day Quotes:

His version of Columbus coming to America (as well as I can remember): "When Columbus landed in Texas he got off the ship and left some of the pirates there and went back and when he left they killed the pirates because they didn't know who these guys were."

When told to draw what food they thought Columbus took on his ship: "I drew 4 carrots, two pieces of corn, three pieces of pizza, and 4 pop tarts"

~~~

Me: Did anyone do anything fun this weekend? (three day weekend)
Kid: I went to Sea World, and Six Flags, and the water park across the street from Six Flags!
Me: You did all that this weekend?
Kid: Nope! That was summer vacation! (like he had no clue what I had asked)

trying to read the word "beach": "bee‑ach?"

From last year's student who asks me about me getting married every single time I see him in the hall... "When are you going to become MRS. Hartman?"

Kid 1: "Kid 2 pushed me!"
Kid 2: "Kid 1 called me a pusher!"

"When you first get a baby inside you, it's as small as a piece of rice... that hasn't been cooked yet!"

Kind Of Smart Kid: "I know how you can remember that 'bonus' is a u word ‑ just remember b‑o‑n‑s and then say it: bon‑us!"
Other Kid: "KOSK, how do you know all this stuff?!"